less explanation ↔︎ More Explanation
What’s in the book? Nothing exciting.
This is a good coffee table book to flip when you are exhausted or feel like nothing is exciting. In fact, it’s so unexciting that I’ll show you all of the pages. To avoid prolonged feelings of exhaustion, please see the very critical Criticool™ services offered below.
62 pages, 20×25 cm, softcover.
Tired of boring project statements? Ashamed of the one you wrote? Sure, we could write it for you, but we offer something better, we will style your boring statement into a decorative and illegible poster to make your project look even more DEEP™ and Criticool™. Don’t fuck content, buy it.
*content of these statements were generated by ChatGPT after feeding it project statements from ual online showcase.
Is your context too dry and complicated to explain? Don’t worry, we will turn it into a Criticool™ meme, like the ones that might appear on @ethicaldesign69, what can be more effective than a meme? It will also help you fill those (AC Enquiry & Knowledge) points.
If you are worried about your project not interacting enough with the real world, we will provide creative interactive solutions that are refreshing and never overused.
In the past we have pioneered the use of pencils (that your audience can write with), tear-off posters, ar posters, audio, voting boards, stickers, drawing boards, survey forms, and even digital survey forms that can be scanned with a QR code🤯... your (AC Process) points will fly through the roof.
We are adding markers and post-its to the mix soon.
“Scanning is a decorative decision”
sweatmarks from choosing font
Are you too confident in your making process that not much meaningful process is left to capture? This service is a process generating powerhouse, and named after the legendary screen-scan case we offered to a client to manually create more process. We will make a scan out of thin air (literally) if needed.
Another case to help gain (AC Process) points for our client was a shirt with sweat stains from deciding between using stretched out Times New Roman or compressed Helvetica.
The client ended up choosing Comic Sans with glowing effect.
Pre-Post-Rationalisation’s breakthrough methdology can be seen as the equivalent of a time travelling machine. Your decision making process will be indisputable, held up to our patented, industry-leading standards: FullyRationalised®, EnquiryLed™ and DoubleReflect©.
Our service creates outcomes so deceptible that your project will stand the test of time, in fact, it will lie down across the test of time. It will/would/does look like it’s designed in the future, made in the past, criticized in the present, or in any order of your choice.
This service is here for you to make diagrams that didn’t need to be diagrams, and games that didn’t need to be games. Show off your (AC knowledge) and inflate your creative computing skills with gamified diagrams, combined with the MAJORaesthetics™ of P5.js projects. We will help you explain any relationship (or lack thereof).
Our Criticool™ diagrams have won the Necessary™ Communication Award, which means it will never be overly complicated, it will not look like failed social housing for long texts.
Experience here
Statement vs Project
Critical vs Performative
Critical vs Shallow
Are you running out of ideas? Block your creative block with Crapola™+++. Turn your idea into another sign, not enough? Turn them into stickers. Voila! you just made 2 more OUTCOMES!
These were made for a client that wanted to be reminded to report their criticality at all times.
Keep an eye out for pins, pens, plates, shirts, stamps, flags, mugs, lanyards, tote bags, phone cases and scarves! More is MORE©.
We are also launching our mockup service alongside this grand expansion, so you can make your crapola look extra real without ever having them!
Say bye to lecturing your dumb audience.
These “Dear Audience” letters that disguise as projects and statements will let you communicate DIRECTlY with your audience.
Rest assured, this time they WILL get your message, or else they will be gently taken care of by our audience reach-out team, secrets to how you reached your (AC Communication) goals are safe with us.
Live, Laugh, Love.
Make, Believe, Make-believe.
We offer this service to anyone who needs an extra push into hypnotizing themselves for a bit longer until they finish their project. We will offer this as a performance, throwing a deck of affirmations into the air at a location of your choice.
See more affirmations here.
Do you need more than just the affirmations? We know you do! These certificates will give you the confidence knowing that you are backed-up by the world’s #2 leading Certified Critical Vendor. No need for that D&AD pencil, no need for TDCs, we are your ultimate proof of worthiness, here at the house of Criticool™, we guarantee a win, always.
Extra £120 applied to awards with ★
Are the affirmations and certificates still not enough? We know they aren’t! That’s why we made these medals that can stay with you at all times to pump your Criticool™ energy. These medals come with two sides with messages that either contradict or compliment each other, because they are Complex™ and Criticool™, just like you.
Our first series with ua£, what happens when the world’s #2 Critical Vendor meets another #2? These lanyards! They are much better than the ual: knockoffs you see everywhere, we have added a retractable device that connects to your cardholder so you never need to bend your necks and backs to tap your cards! You can now also show off your tuition fee status in our second
release, from home to international, BA to MA.
Again, better than the ual: knockoffs, our original quality can‘t be defeated. These tote bags are at least 5 times thicker than the ual: rags, and looks waaaaaaaay better.
35x40cm
Need more storage than tote bags? We got you covered with these carrier bags that are bigger, stronger and shinier.
58x40x20cm
Collector’s Item (not for sale)
£100 for anyone who can retrieve the banner from ual:
Video available here
With professional protest experience, Certified Critical Vendor is proud to offer our bespoke protest service, just name the target and we will go full out. If you are worried that your project won’t make enough impact, this service is it!
If the affirmations, awards, and medals were to sooth your mind, this service is how your project manifests into the real world. Everything will be fixed after a protest, and that’s a Criticool™ promise.
Did you pour your heart and soul into making a Deep™ and Nuanced™ project but got no attention? We will do the dirty work for you. Taking full advantage of your audiences’ attention span, we provide tailored solutions to create the most attention-grabbing adaptations of your project, customized for different occasions. We excel when time and space are limited, whether it’s social media or degree show, your project will POP. You can worry about depth AFTER you grab their attention (and wallets).
The ultimate designer David Dasha-duke agrees.
Here is a real award titled “GCD as Institutional Critique” presented to Knife Knife, our shop owner, from the Graphic Communication Design course at Central Saint Martins.
This also means we are now a Double Certified Critical Vendor. When placed next to the Criticool™ Awards made for this project it just makes everything even more meta.
In this service, we will help you pivot your project so you win an award just like this. (not guaranteed)*wink*wink
Award designed by Stephen Barrett.
Now with 2 times sold-out success stories under our belt, we are confident to offer our e-commerce and retail consulting service. Sell-out® online course and Sell-out® summer camp coming soon.
In your new shop, critical and commercial graphic design finally ends their feud, they reach a consensus that the only good design is design that makes money. Critical design can stop pretending to not care about money, and commercial design can stop pretending to care about anything other than money.
Check out 1st round’s sold-out website
Check out 2nd round’s sold-out website
We now offer pages in our project submissions for ad space. High conversion rates guaranteed.
We will help you craft the ultimate PDF, the kind that will make Adobe Acrobat crash in tears, InDesign roll in graves, and all assessment criteria will forget their names.
Price
Practice
Get it now before price rises next year.